Oracle Trouble
I jumped the bushes to the mansion's front lawn, the ninjas still on my tail. With my pen and paper in hand, I scribbled furiously as I hid behind a large tree.
"Ninjas...run...very...fast," I said to myself as I wrote it down. Then a large ninja star suddenly whizzed past my head and stuck to the wall of the mansion gates in front of me.
When do these guys give up? All I wanted was an interview!
Then, like shadows, all five of them appeared around me in a semicircle, swords drawn. I smiled nervously, holding up my pad of paper. "Look, if you guys were sworn to silence, you could have just told me! I don't need to interview you if you feel that strongly about it." The ninjas considered this for a second, and then shrugged. In a flash they were gone, leaving me standing in front of the mansion gates. "On to my next story," I muttered and walked up to the gates, which began opening without me having to be buzzed in.
I walked through the front lawn leading up to the door, which was filled with all sorts of strange plants and bush formations, and I fathomed that the Oracle had a lot of free time on her hands to put together such a wierd garden. Finally I reached the door, and pressed the small button near the knob. There was a loud ringing, and then the door opened all by itself.
"Come in, my darling," came an ominous voice from inside. I walked in a few steps and noticed it was dark.
"Why aren't the lights on?" I asked.
"It's called dramatic effect," said the Oracle, flipping the switch. The room suddenly filled with bright lights, and I was shocked by the ornate design of the mansion.
"Nice place," I said, walking over to the Oracle, who was seated in a large, red cushioned chair. She gestured for me to sit in the chair opposite her, which wasn't nearly as nice.
"What have you come to ask me, Brandon?" she said, adjusting the large turban that was wrapped around her head.
"Well, you already know I'm the town's official reporter, and I was wondering if I could ask your advice on the aliens that recently landed on the outskirts of town." I said, gesturing with my pencil, "I was thinking of going to meet them and then writing a story on it."
The Oracle closed her eyes and rubbed her temples, making a low humming noise the entire time. After a few seconds her eyes shot open as wide as they could, and her voice sent a shiver down my spine.
"No, going there will mean your utter demise," she said slowly, with every once of creepiness she had insider her. I was about to ask her why when she suddenly started shouting. "DEMISE! DEMISE!" she exclaimed over and over again, rocking back and forth in her chair. She kept getting louder and louder, and started to get out of control.
"OK, I get it!" I screamed over her.
"DEMISE! DEMISE!" she shrieked, the sides of her mouth starting to foam. I couldn't take it anymore. I got up and swiftly struck her upside the head. Then I sat back down, shaking my hand.
The Oracle stopped rocking and screaming. She just closed her eyes again and did the temple rubbing thing.
"Like I was saying, It's probably not a good idea," she said, while rubbing her temples. I gave a large sigh and crossed out the item written on my paper that read "visit space aliens".
"Well, thanks for your time, Oracle. I'm sure your very busy and I'll get outta your hair now," I said, getting up out of my seat.
"Oh please, darling, you know I've just been sitting here for the past five hours," said the Oracle, still rubbing her temples.
"Well, duh, but I didn't want to be rude about it."
"Thank you."
I then proceeded to walk back toward the door, and gave the Oracle a little wave goodbye. She waved back, but then put her hand up.
"Wait, don't forget about the demise thing," she said.
"I won't," I replied, rolling my eyes.
Walking back outside, I marveled at how beautiful the day was today, with the sun shining so brightly. But then something caught my eye. I thought I saw the bushes rustle. I froze. Someone was following me.
"Hey, get outta the bushes!" I yelled.
"Aw, man," I heard someone say. Then the figure walked out of the bushes. It turned out to be some mouse dressed in a black robe. He was also carrying something, I wasn't sure what. It kinda looked like a key, but also like a blade at the same time. Wierd.
He walked up to where I was standing and pointed the key thing at me.
"Brandon, you must help me fight the forces of evil," he said heroically. I sighed and began rubbing my temples like the Oracle.
"Look, this isn't Kingdom Hearts, so can you and your key stick please get outta my way?" I said, trying not to sound too mean. "I've got an interview with Zelda, in like, five minutes, and I don't have time for this."
***
(To Be Continued)
NEXT TIME: An interview with a Princess.
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,752 Reviews
That was LOL funny!
no grammar mistakes or spelling.
and you just need to interview harry's wand!
space
Ye, I agree with everyone esle. Funny original, interesting, exciting! Nice and lighthearted after the crappy day I've been having. You've just made me happy!
Keep writing!
~D'Aedomir~
I'm in a state of utter bemusement as to what's going on, but I was very impressed with the prose and detailed description, so nice one!
Keep on writing,
Eimear
Hehehehehe! (Cackles gleefully and ignores looks from thirty other people staring at the strange girl laughing) The Dumbledore interview was great. I love the final line. Poor Brandon. He seemed to be perplexed. And he had no lemon drops left!
No obvious grammar or spelling errors, by the way. Just in case you wanted a review of that...
I'll keep reading for more!
When Life Gives You Lemons...
"So...Dumbledore, is it?"
"Why, yes, unless of course I've mistaken myself for someone else."
Brandon forced a small chuckle while he licked his pencil and began scribbling in chicken scratch across his notepad. Cracks lame jokes to break the ice.
The old wizard sitting before him placed one hand on the lap of his purple robes, while thoughtfully stroking his long white beard with the other. His half-moon spectacles fell across his crooked nose with almost a mystical quality, as if their very placement was an indicator of great power. Bright blue eyes gazed over them unwavering, with a such a deep and unending calm which could pacify nations at war.
"Hm, is that enough revering description of you in the third person?"
"Yes, quite," replied Dumbledore, smiling to himself. "The author of this humble parody is very flattering."
"Ah, he's all right," said Brandon. "Now let's get on with it, shall we?"
"Yes, of course," said Dumbledore, clearing his throat. "What questions do you wish to ask, Brandon?"
Brandon straightened his back and adjusted his tie. "Well, let's get the big one out of the way. Is it true that you, Dumbledore, possibly one of if not the greatest wizards that has ever lived, is in fact," Brandon took a deep breath, "gay?" Brandon invisibly braced himself, ready for Dumbledore to whip out his wand and transfigure him into a wart.
Dumbledore only chuckled. "Ah, my boy, I daresay I will never understand peoples' preoccupation with such a subject." He stroked his beard again, a soft twinkle playing in his eyes. "But then again, what can fascinate us more than the things that we can never truly understand?"
Brandon's mouth hung open a little. "So that's a yes?"
"Indeed."
"Ah, interesting," piped Brandon, scribbling furiously. "And I'm no homophobe, mind you. I personally think you kick just as much ass as you did before."
"Why, thank you," smiled Dumbledore. "Your tolerance and vulgarity inspire me."
"Yeah..." chuckled Brandon weakly. "Anywho, now since that's been squared away, I can start to dig in deep to find out who the real Dumbledore is."
"Dig away."
"Well, besides all the obvious stuff, which people can already read about in whatever books you're in, what can you tell about yourself that the public at large might not yet know?"
Dumbledore sniffed the air for a moment, and stuck out his lower lip as he stared upwards in thought. "A difficult question indeed, Brandon," he said absently, "I can't say there's much the old woman hasn't already dug up on me."
Brandon held his pencil a fraction of an inch above his notepad, eyeing Dumbledore with hyperfocus until he said something worth exploiting. The old wizard continued to stare upwards, and even went so far as to bite his lip for a few moments. Finally he snapped his fingers with a sudden look of triumph.
"That's it," he said with vigor. "I don't wear socks on Tuesday! I'm sure that's quite an interesting tidbit of my life, don't you?"
Brandon let out a sigh of exasperation. "Come on, Dumbledore, you have got to have something more juicier--sorry--, more informative than that?"
Dumbledore shook his head sadly. "I'm afraid not, my boy. There isn't really anything else I can tell you."
"Well, at least tell me this before you go. That Harry Potter kid, do you even like him?"
Dumbledore flitted his eyes back and forth slightly, and then quietly leaned forward. He held his outstreched hand parallel with the floor, and then rotated it slightly from side to side.
"Right..." whispered Brandon slyly, winking at Dumbledore. "I never liked him much either."
"Ah, rather a pest at times, but he's still a good boy," added the old wizard.
"I'm sure. And one final thing for all the aspiring wizards out there. When in a dangerous situation, what do you best recommend for defending yourself with a wand?"
Dumbledore smiled, and then quickly produced his wand. He proceeded to swiftly jab it in the air, and then explained, "A quick poke in eye always worked well for me. No amount of dark magic can stand up to a cheap shot."
"Nice," said Brandon, scribbling yet again. "I knew you had a wild side."
"Don't we all?" replied Dumbledore. "Now if you'll excuse me, I really must be going."
"What? Why can't you stay for a few more questions?"
"Please, I was killed off in book six. This old wizard is going to back to enjoying his retirement," then he dipped over to the coffee table and picked up the small bowl resting on it. "But I will take the rest of these lemon drops, if you don't mind."
And with that there was a loud crack, and Brandon was left sitting on his couch with no lemon drops whatsoever.
Okay, I know I haven't done one in a while....but I hope you guys like this one.
[s]BlackGhost[/s]
More! (Please?)
Goldie
You have officially made me seem more insane than I already am to all of the people around me. Perhaps this wouldn't happen if I didn't read it on school computer and practically fall out of the chair laughing, but I digress.
I saw no obvious errors in grammar or spelling, so you get my official "Yay!"
Very good!
Those were very funny. I'm not a video game fanatic, so I don't know much about Eragon or Zelda, but you made the stories very original and creative. Good job.
It's really funny! Did this come to you out of a dream? It seems to move along in that sort of irregular sequence...and the mystical people added to that as well...
Can't wait to read your next one!
~Deoris
I loved them. They were so funny!!!!!!
Especially the part about Kingdom Hearts. I just HATE Kingdom Hearts!!!
One mistake I noticed in the first story: "with every once of creepiness she had insider her." should be "with every ounce of creepiness she had inside her."
Other than that, IT WAS REALLY FUNNY!!!!!!!
lol, this is great. Why don't you try out Harry Potter?
If you guys have a suggestion of people you want me to interview (fictionally) send me a PM.
Can you PM me when you post more. It is so good. Eragon admitting he is crazy, lol.
Aww i didn't notice that you had posted more >.<
Again loved it loved it loved it, SOOO funny!
PM me when you post mroe of this so I don't miss it again!
Meevs
x
Oh wow.
I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. This is so great! Can't wait to see what happens next!
KEEP GOING!!
Goldie
A Boy and His Dragon
Yeesh, it stinks in this forest.
I was sitting on a small stump in a forest somewhere in Alagaësia. IT SMELLED. I have no idea what it's supposed to smell like here, but I hope it isn't this bad all the time. Hopefully the smell clears up during winter or something.
I looked at my watch and sighed. How long had I been waiting there. An hour? Two hours? My butt was falling asleep fast, and the smell was only intensifying.
"He rides a freaking dragon," I said aloud, voicing my impatience. "How could he be two hours late!"
Then suddenly, as if on cue, Eragon walked out from a group of trees to my left, apparently searching for me. When he turned and saw me on the stump, he gave a large smile and waved. I waved back, a little annoyed. "Where have you been?," I said nicely, not wanting this interview to get off on the wrong foot.
Eragon brushed himself off a little, and looked a little sheepish as he answered.
"Sorry I took so long," he began, sitting down on a curiously flat rock a few feet away from me. "Saphira's getting her wings waxed, so I had to come here on foot, and I had a little trouble finding you."
I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes.
"Come on, Eragon, I told you I was on the stump by the rock. It's not that hard to find," I said, gesturing to our surroundings with both my hands.
"Right," he said slowly, giving me a strange look. "Uh, why don't we start the interview, then?"
"You read my mind, Eragon," I said happily, taking out my trusty pad and paper from my breast pocket. I coughed slightly, almost gagging, for a powerful gust of the bad smell suddenly concentrated in my nose for a second.
"You alright there, Brandon?" asked Eragon.
"Yes, I'm fine," I said, clearing my throat loudly. I uncapped my pen and flipped open my pad of paper, ready to write.
"So, Eragon," I began slowly, "Who named you?"
Eragon looked a little surprised at this question.
"Why, my mother, Selena," he said, that strange look on his face again. "Why do you ask?"
"Well, no reason, really, except for one thing," I said, narrowing my eyes. "Don't you think that it is quite a coincidence that your name, Eragon, is only one letter different than the word Dragon?"
"Not really," said Eragon plainly.
"No? Never mind, then," I said, writing something down on my pad. I was determined to crack him like an egg by the end of this thing. "Next question. Now, I understand that your very busy these days fighting the forces of evil with your dragon, Saphira."
"Yes," Eragon said seriously, his smile gone. "Galbatorix is a very tough opponent, and I'm doing all I can to stop him from doing harm to Alagaësia."
"Yeah, I'm sure you are," I said smugly, moving around a bit on my stump. I had lost feeling in my butt long ago, but that was no distraction to me now. "What are your reactions to critics claiming that your adventures are very plagiaristic of both Lord of the Rings and Star Wars?"
Dragon laughed.
"Yeah, I get that alot around here, and you know what? I've learned to deal with it."
"How did you manage to do that?"
"By completely ignoring it."
I knew that I had to keep searching for the right question that would break him down, but at this rate I feared we'd be here all night.
"So you were talking about fighting the forces of evil, right?," I said, changing the conversation back to before. "On a scale of one to ten, how high would you rate Vader's--I mean--Galbatorix's, evilness?"
"A definite ten," said Eragon firmly. "He is not one to be messed with."
"Really," I said, pretending to be awed. "What a wimp" I then said quietly to myself.
"Excuse me?" said Eragon.
"Oh, nothing," I said, smiling widely, "How about another question? You see, I really wanted to ask you about your dragon, Saphira. She really is a fascinating creature."
"Well, thank you," said Eragon, suddenly beaming. "She truly is my best companion."
"I'm sure she is," I continued. "But is it true that you two share a psychic bond in which you can hear each others thoughts?"
"Yes, we do," said Eragon, his smile even bigger than before.
"And do you have proof of this?" I shot back.
The smile suddenly slid off of Eragon's face like soap.
"What?"
I had him now.
"Well, Eragon, it's just that you claim to be able to communicate telepathically with Saphira, but how can we know for sure that you can? I mean for all I know you could be some lunatic who thinks he can talk to dragons!" I exclaimed, bursting into a fit of laughter. I think Eragon started to look sick.
"How can you even say something like that?" he said, apparently hurt. "All the dragon riders have been able to telepathically communicate with their dragons."
"Oh, come on, Eragon, you know that there's such a thing as there being more that one lunatic in the world. Am I right?"
Eragon opened his mouth to say something, but no words escaped his lips. I was about to say something else when he suddenly got off the rock he was sitting on and down on his knees.
"You're right!" he said, beginning to sob. "I have no IDEA what the heck Saphira says to me. In fact, I'm not sure if she's even capable of intelligent thought at all!"
Can you say Jackpot?
"Now, its okay," I said to Eragon, tenderly patting his back. "Just let it out."
His shoulders shook as his sobs came out, and I was smiling insanely as he broke down. I knew that I'd break him sooner or later.
After a while he looked up at me, his eyes all red and puffy.
"You won't print this, Brandon, will you?" He said pleading, wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve.
"Oh, Eragon, the chance of me doing that is about as good as your adventures having even one scrap of originality in them," I said reassuringly. I then got up and began walking out of the forest, leaving Eragon on the floor, bewildered.
All in a day's work for Brandon, Fantasy Reporter.
'Loved it! This sort of light-hearted piece brightens up one's day, and makes one walk around with a big goofy smile on one's face.' - Goldenheart
I totaly agree. It was funny, good, and a liked the plot.And yes, the first part was a little confusing. But the second one was great! Good job. Keep up the good work. Two thumbs up!
-- M.B.Author
Loved it! This sort of light-hearted piece brightens up one's day, and makes one walk around with a big goofy smile on one's face.
MORE!!!
Goldie
An Interview With a Princess
I was sitting in Zelda's dining room inside Hyrule Castle, staring down at the dinner I was just served. I could only describe it as some sort of green mass. Gross. I decided to forget my manners and not touch it at all.
"Zelda, can we begin the interview now?" I asked, watching her savor her plate of green stuff as she took delicate bites out of it with her spoon.
"Oh, yes of course, Brandon," she said, wiping her mouth with a gold napkin. Fancy.
"And let me just thank you again for inviting me to Hyrule Castle," I said, taking out my pen and paper, "It's quite an honor."
"Don't mention it," she said, beaming, "I never get much company here anyway. Now what sort of questions do you want to ask me?"
Now it was my turn to smile. I looked down at the notes I had taken before hand, and then back at Zelda.
"Well, first I just want to clarify something," I said, taking the cap off my pen. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the video game 'The Legend of Zelda' about you, Zelda?"
"Correct," she said, still smiling widely.
"Good. And I recall there being a young boy dressed in green that usually aids you in the various adventures that take place in these games?" I said, making sure to give Zelda the most piercing stare I could muster.
"Um...Link?" she said slowly.
"Interesting," I said, standing up. "Sorry if I sound blunt, but you've been doing a whole lotta nothin' while Link's been the one working his butt off to save the kingdom!"
"Excuse me?" said Zelda, suddenly confused.
"You heard me, princess," I said, pointing at her with my pen, "You and I both know that the only reason you're around is because 'The Legend of Link' doesn't sound nearly as cool as 'The Legend of Zelda'!"
"What! How could you say that!" snapped Zelda, also standing up. "I make this game!"
"How so?" I questioned, making sure my voice was one step above her's.
"Well, I mean," she stuttered, "I..I...I'm Zelda! What more is there to say!"
"Face it, honey. You need Link a lot more than he needs you!"
"I cannot believe I am hearing this!" yelled Zelda, making a fist at her side. "You can kiss my Triforce, mister!"
With that Zelda stormed out of the dining room, huffing and puffing all the way upstairs. I quickly scribbled her quotes down on my pad as one of the guard grabbed my arm.
"I think you should leave, sir," he said gruffly. I shook my arm out of his grip, giving him a hard stare.
"I can show myself out."
As I was leaving the castle, I thought about the headline that would appear on tomorrow's issue of the Fantasy Times. I could see it now.
Princess Storms Off When Fame is Threatened
Pure Gold.
***
NEXT TIME: A Boy and His Dragon
Ok, for those of you who are confused about what's going on, there really isn't any coherent plot to this. It is really just a series of interviews of people from movies, videogames, or just any random character I make up, as long as it falls into the fantay/sci fi category.
-Tony
Funny, but I'm not really sure what's going on. I particularly liked the last part:
Wo nderful
So funny, my nunga nungas bounced and bounced lol
hehehe, i'm on a school computer right now and I had to try very hard to keep from laughing out loud. very good job.
Jat magi-kal, that is lol, i'm totally loving it dude. luv the girl_in_pink
I would say all though it is great, put a litle more suspence into it, but overall great
Lol i liked nthis, funny and original at the same time. But I'm not really sure what's going on in all honesty, but I did enjoy reading it!
I couldnt find any mistakes, so well done (Unless I missed some hehe).
I will look forward to the next part!
Meevs
x